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I’d like to set the record straight and get a few things off my chest. The steel shower head in my college dorm's communal bathroom watched me every time. Its view was so sad: the focus on my face; my clenched jaw; the backs of my ankles flexed as I contorted by body to shave the hair buried in my butt crack. Being gay and a bottom ie, someone who receives penetration I'm often concerned about my butt hair situation.

Countless hookups have requested a butt that's polished, lacking even the tiniest hint of stubble. It's unfair, when you think about it: Being penetrated in itself forces you to be vulnerable—yet guys also have the gall to ask us to look "perfect" during the act? But it's what I've come to expect: Which is why, in that dismal shower stall, I pushed through the pain of twisting my body and went forth with my trusty razor.

It's not that I've had bad luck in picking partners who care way too much about butt hair. It's a real point of concern among gay men. Well, I have news for you, tops: It's not exactly pleasant to figure out how to shave your own butt. This isn't to say all tops are bad. An anonymous source told me his partners have literally offered to shave his butt for their own enjoyment.

Romance isn't dead! This fixation on "porcelain ass cheeks" could be coming from mainstream , says Madison Moore, author and assistant professor of gender, sexuality, and women's studies at Virginia Commonwealth University. Besides , the popularity of earlys boy bands might have something to do with the "mass exodus of body hair" in gay culture, says Daniel Saynt, founder of sexual wellness club NSFW.

But shaving your butt isn't just a time-consuming act in support of unrealistic male beauty standards although surely, that should be enough to make us think twice about it. It could also be bad for your health, depending on how you do it, says Nicholas K. These act as entry points for infections, such as HPV, the virus implicated in genital warts. This is why it is very important never to shave the perianal or genital areas on the day of expected intercourse.

I did find a few bottoms who said they were into it—for their own pleasure. Ty Mitchell, a writer and gay performer, insists he never removes his butt hair for anyone but himself, because he likes it. The wax consists of lemon juice, water, and sugar; he says the process is generally less irritating than shaving and lasts a lot longer, and that his hair even grows back thinner.

One man who sells videos on the app OnlyFans—he goes by the username damagedbttm—told me he prefers receiving rim jobs and penetrative sex when his own hair doesn't get in the way.

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Is that really it? The only plus-side to the very precise hard work of fancying your peach is a pleasurable tingle from getting rimmed? I guess you also spare yourself some uncomfortable hair-tugging when he's pulling out—but even still. Is the pressure for bottoms to shave their butts really worth all the stress? On Twitter, Remy Duran—contestant on MTV's sexually-fluid season of Are You the One and noted " coolest person in the room "— called for bottoms to stop shaving their butts the same way some women have resisted patriarchal beauty expectations.

Let it grow, let it show! Will I continue to shave my butt hair? I think so, yes. But what I'll also practice more of is verifying the intention of my actions: Am I doing this to my body for me, or for someone else's enjoyment? Because the key to pleasure and personal acceptance—and, like, actually deciding whether I should shave my butt hair or not—is mine.

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