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We may earn a commission from these links. When I was a freshman in college, a friend of mine took me to a house party near downtown Minneapolis. These were hawkish yet clumsy men who lumbered from Asian guy to Asian guy, leering, while the Asian men giggled, or flirted, or acted strangely grateful. Some of the Asian men danced.
Some stood at the perimeter, assessing. All of them, it seemed, were vying for the attention of the older white men. He shrugged, drank. I felt, for a moment, unmoored. As we mingled, I felt scrutinized, an obvious newbie, so I stayed close to my friend. I breathed in deep, took deep swigs of my beer. He introduced me to a group of guys, all Asian, and I smiled, chatted, gave perfunctory answers to perfunctory questions.
The group, disapproving, turned abruptly exclusive, and I found myself alone, feeling dreadfully conspicuous. Then, a savior.
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A man came up to me. A white man thrice my age. My stomach dropped. Too thick. I looked toward the bathroom, willing my friend to come back. But yeah, I see it now. God, I love Koreans. The food, the culture. I flushed. These conversations embarrassed me.
I was a Korean adoptee, raised in North Dakota by white parents; I had yet to understand what being Korean actually meant. What are you? I love that! Let me tell you how much I know about you. Feel welcome because I understand you! Feel impressed by my knowledge! Your kind is amazing! Back then, I agreed with this sentiment. Racism was about hate, I thought, not love, so if Jerry professed a desire for this particular race, how could it be racist?