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You know the type: a handsome, mature, masculine man. Probably bearded, and that beard probably has at least some silver in it.

The Old Gays are, and have

His manhood is indisputable, and it has nothing explicitly to do with fatherhood. You know what that means. Move over, Hot Rodent Boyfriend summer. This entire era belongs to daddy. In a society as youth-obsessed as ours, it might seem like an anomaly, but daddies may have never been more prominent in queer life than they are now. But a daddy is more than just an aggregation of attributes. But in practical terms—and in a queer context—patterns emerge.

A daddy is probably older, bigger, and more experienced than his boy. Daddies are eroticized versions of the father figure, authoritative and in control. Sexually, a daddy is usually the top. Polyamory is another common thread. Disrupting social norms can feel liberating, but it can also invite armchair psychoanalysis and glib remarks about so-called daddy issues. But daddies are about much more than transgressive sex.

Richard Sprott, a professor of sexual identity development and another self-described daddy, called the daddy-boy relationship a consensual power exchange. To him, the term has a particular flavor. The push for marriage equality notwithstanding, relationship structures that differ from heterosexual norms have long been a part of gay life—age gaps, in particular.

So why daddies, specifically? And why now? Queer people and budding kinksters find community online, but real life remains bewildering and difficult, and many young and even not-so-young people benefit from the wisdom of someone who has been there.

In many cases, parents may be supportive yet struggle to offer their adult gay children concrete advice for how to navigate the world. Sometimes, people become daddies seemingly overnight. All this, it should be noted, is hardly exclusive to male-male relationships. Dandy Buckley, a butch lesbian daddy who refers to her partner as her baby girl, describes her relationship as a kind of masculine nurturing. Maybe 15 years ago, it was not as big a thing.

At the same time, daddy-ness has escaped the bounds of queerness and entered the cultural bloodstream. To some of the muscly, cigar-smoking beer bust patrons at the Eagle, this might be a watered-down appropriation of queer culture, or just plain silliness. Daddies agree: Being a daddy is the merger of affection with responsibility.

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